lost

“Nani you are already 22 and who knows within one or two years, this day might be the day of your life”. My mother was sarcastically pondering out her motherly innocence towards me whereas, I was arguing with her about not to even think of my marriage until I reach 28. “O my God!! You will be ageing by then and no good looking; financially stable suitor will prefer you.” “But ma isn’t it necessary for me to fall for the guy. How can anyone marry just because one has reached of certain age?” I was saying all these things to her when ma abruptly interrupted me and mockingly said, “Then why don’t you fall for a guy Luna?” Upon listening to her question, I was dumb folded for a while. How could I say that her daughter had recently experienced awful heartbreak and was recovering from it and how, to love someone and being loved in returned were two totally different things. I couldn’t say any of these things to her. So I preferred to make an excuse and went away. From the very beginning, I always sought for true love. My two best friends Rashmee and Ashmi used to always suggest me not to take love too seriously. “Luna, be friends with that cutie; go on a date, you don’t really have to fall for a guy just to hang out with him.” But I always saved my love for someone special who, I thought would love me as much as I did. Ashmi had once told me, “You shouldn’t bind yourself. God helps those who help themselves. So how can you expect to find love without reaching out to the people?” After that I decided to give it a shot and eventually found Arpit in my life. Arpit, a typical engineering student with a rough looks, was a wrong profile for me when I first met him after our encounter in Facebook . But when I started not to judge a book by its cover, I found him quite interesting. I thought he was ‘my type of guy’; down to earth, family oriented and full of life. Omg!! How jolly I was when I talked to my best friends describing about my first date as soon as I met them the other day. How happy I used to be when I used to get Arpit’s miscalls. I was giddy. I was gaga. I drove my friends insane with endless recitations of “He likes me” He likes me not” “Do you think he likes me?” I was naïve in love and thought it to be picture perfect. “You met this guy just for seven or eight times and what made you think that he loves you? Remember Luna, when a guy flirts with you, it doesn’t mean that he likes you; when he likes you, it doesn’t mean that he wants to date you; when he dates you, it doesn’t mean that he loves you and when he loves you, it doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt you.” Rashmee was telling me all those things while I was crying over this guy who, after our seventh date, seemed to ignore me. All of the sudden, he wasn’t picking up my phone calls; he had stopped giving me a routine miscalls or sending me a message. At that time, I simply wished I hadn’t expected too much from him and shouldn’t have taken his friendly gestures as a sign of undying love towards me. Days and nights, I would pray to God to erase his existence from my mind. I cursed myself for easily falling in love even without giving it a second thought. The most depressing thing was that I really didn’t have any clue why Arpit suddenly started ignoring me. Was I sounding childish all the time when I used to declare my fetish for cartoons to him? Or was I too self centered while talking to him over the phone without asking for his say on anything? I don’t know. Well, I think he didn’t find me ‘his type of girl’ or simply he was afraid of commitment. “Luna, don’t expect anything from me.” He had once told me but at that time, I didn’t have slightest of idea that our three months affair would have an abrupt end. I didn’t want to easily give up on Arpit. So, for the last time, I called him. Literally drunk at that time, I repeatedly babbled pathetically,” Arpit, please don’t leave me please.” I could remember him silently saying, “I won’t.” I realized it later that he was saying all those things for the sake of saying. Love can make people do many stupid things which they realize after the magic of love slowly start to fade away. After lot of coaxing, my heart has finally let essence of Arpit go out of me. Well, in a positive note, I have come to accept my latest failed attempt to find true love as bitter experience. I think if everything isn’t ok, it’s not the end. I know that I’ll find my true love someday somewhere. It’s just that Arpit and I were never meant to be for each other. At the same time, there’s no guarantee that in my second attempt, I would eventually find my Mr. Right. But that doesn’t mean I would stop falling for guys. With the help of Arpit, I got to know myself even more and will always thank him for teaching me a lesson of never to trust people too soon. Till then for Arpit in Adele’s words, “never mind, I’ll find someone like you or may be even better than you…I wish nothing but the best for you…..”